Porc Therapy 012: Poly Posers

Stephanie and Mike talk about whatever issues or questions you have. This episode’s question(s):

This is a question about sexual ‘liberation’ and exploration, as we find our way to what ‘type’ of sexuality is our ‘own’ -

I have noticed quite a sizeable sector of poly relationships in the FSP early mover group, but I also noticed that a lot of what is being deemed poly is not poly at all, but is being ‘termed’ poly, even by some truly ‘poly’ folks (!!!), when it’s actually just nothing more but sexual exploration.

There’s a lot of sexual exploration going on, as people try to figure out ‘who am I and what is my happiness, really?’ – this can lead to all types and forms of sexual exploration.  But, there’s a HUGE difference between exploring one’s sexuality and actually ‘being’ poly (or bisexual, or monogamous, or homosexual, or a ‘swinger’, or just sexually ‘open’ to any and all experiences, which some give the term ‘promiscuous’ to, but that has crappy, negative and, in my opinion, unwarranted ‘stigma’ attached to it of ‘judgement’ and ‘immorality’.)

So that all said… I think what has happened, especially in the Early Mover sector of the FSP, is people new to freedom and liberty, as concepts, are applying those concepts to all areas of their lives, including sexuality, and in the process of breaking off the chains of the facade of ‘government’ boundries are also re-exploring their own beings and boundries there, including the sexual aspects of ‘self’ – but this does not mean, within and after that exploration, that these indviduals that are on the journey of figuring out who they are and what they *most* want in a relationship are going to end up ‘poly’ or in poly relationships, short term or long term.

In fact, the odds are higher that those exploring will end up in somewhat more ‘conventional’ relationships (and much as I hate to use that word, the definition does fit.)  Is this a bad thing?  It is a good thing?  I don’t think it’s either – this is just part of being alive.  Finding out what type of relationship we most desire, and what boundries, if any, are in it.

As each person figures themselves out, there’s this somewhat strong leaning towards giving ourselves or parts of ourselves a ‘title’ to describe it (re: “I am gay” or “I am in an open relationship”, “I’m poly”), but I’m finding the high claims of poly to be suspect – I think there’s a bit of confusion about the differences between what is poly and what is just sexual curiousity and/or sexual “play” on the journey to self.

Also… what is true or honest for one portion of an individual’s lifespan might not be the case as they grow into a deeper knowledge of themselves (and others.)  This is not to suggest that what a person is or does during one span of time in their life is a ‘facade’, if it changes at another timeframe in their life, but rather, more of a case of the seasons of ourselves, because we are always changing, and growing, and learning, through all of the experiences we have.  Especially in relationships, be they sexual or even if they aren’t sexual.

I know so very many people whom have had complete changes of sexual temperament in their entire being – people who denied that they were gay and tried to be straight who then were ‘completely gay’, or people who went from being very open sexually to being in full-blown self-imposed abstinence, or the reverse; people who were pretty sure they were gay or bisexual who ended up in heterosexual relationships or people who were chastity-belters who suddenly flew full swing into sexual riots (good times, good times.)  The bottom line is… as we are a relatively large movement of individuals, over 700 of us so far, we should probably be cautious about giving ourselves (and each other) any labels, in terms of our sexuality… without understanding what these terms mean and/or define.

The question to both of you is:  what is the difference between being poly, being a swinger, and being sexually ‘open’ or ‘exploring’ (for the record, I think a huge portion of FSPers are in simply ‘exploration mode’ but are being called poly, and I forsee some potential for silly drama as a result – I think this needs to be disected and confronted before a lot of undesired confusion is the result.)

- Anon Male

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